Memories
by vashtra
Summary: After Bella shows Edward what she's been working on with her shield, Edward comes up with a list of memories to revisit.
1. Chapter 1

After that first night, Edward came up with a list of memories he wanted to see. Some of them were easy, like what I thought as I walked down the staircase during our wedding or what I did with J. Jones. Other memories were harder. It took all my concentration just to will my shield away from myself, so when he asked me about a memory I had no chance to filter what he saw. The first time he asked me about my transformation, I couldn't stop the memory of the searing, burning, incapacitating pain I had gone through. I could feel him tense up just from the intensity of my memory. As he saw my thought process, my struggle to keep from screaming to reduce his pain, I could feel his hands tighten into fists. When we got to my eyes opening, he took a step back and my shield slipped back into place. "Edward," I started, but he held a hand up. I could see him trying to calm himself down before he spoke. "Bella, you," his voice broke. "I should have been your absolute last worry. How could you even think about my pain in the midst of that? I just.." his voice trailed off in bewilderment. "I couldn't stand the thought of putting you through any more pain," I whispered. He looked at me like he was seeing me for the first time. "Bella, how can you continue surprising me like this? How did I get through so many years without you? How-" I cut him off with a kiss. We didn't talk much the rest of the night. My human memories were the hardest for me to show. First, they were all blurry and dim. They also tended to leave me feeling embarrassed. Like when he asked to see our meadow through my eyes. He touched my face when he saw what had made me upset that day, my ordinary self compared to his sparkling brilliance. "Oh, Bella," he said sadly. He snarled when he saw himself jump away from me and again when he heard my reaction. "You really weren't afraid of me? Were you seriously afraid of what I thought of you?" I laughed quietly. "Of course, I was in love." "Silly teenagers," he said quietly while tracing his old pattern from my cheek to my jaw. "Silly teenagers," I agreed. The next day he wanted to see the Volturi standoff. I showed him me packing the bag for Renesmee and Jacob. When I showed him my contemplation of our impending demise, how sure I was that we died together, he broke off the memory with a kiss. "Edward, you know I need to concentrate.." I trailed off with laughter as he continued down my throat. Suddenly, he turned serious. "You know I felt the same way. There is no me without you." This time I was the one to break his concentration as we tumbled onto the bed.


	2. Chapter 2

The days went on. One day he asked to see our first meeting; that fateful Biology class where I thought he hated me. After snarling in disgust at himself, he took a step back while shaking his head.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Could you ever imagine that this is where we would end up?" he responded in quiet amazement.

I could see his point. The image of those two children sitting at a desk together was still on the back of my eyelids. Mine and Edward's journey together felt impossible when looking at that still picture. I locked eyes with him as a sly smile started to cross my face.

"I could. I was yours, from that first meeting. I thought you hated me," I said with a laugh, "but I was completely yours."

"And I yours." he responded quickly. "I had been alone for so long, but the instant I saw you I knew my solitary existence was over. One way or another, it was always going to be you."

"Be us," I corrected. We could faintly hear our daughter's heartbeat through the walls.

"Bella," he said quietly as he grabbed my hands, "I need you to understand my life before you. I thought I was doomed to be alone, that my life had no meaning…" he trailed off as his voice cracked.

"I know, I know," I tried to soothe. "It feels like my life didn't even begin until I met you," I added. "After that meeting, I needed you as much as I needed oxygen."

He stepped closer to me and I automatically went to shift my shield to include him. Before he could ask for a memory, I showed him my life in Phoenix, as best as I could remember. The endless days filled with just Renee. The emptiness I had always felt there, like I was missing something. Of course I was, I was missing him, but I didn't know that at the time. He was silent as the memories washed over him.

"I wish I could read your mind," I said quietly. That prompted him to look me in the eyes with a big smile on his face.

"There's almost no need for that," he said. "All my thoughts are you. They have been for years now."

That prompted a kiss from me, which almost got out of control until we realized the sun was rising. He took my hand silently and kissed it before leading me out and into Renesmee's room. I took a step closer to her crib as he wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder.

"We're going to have to get her a bed soon," he whispered in my ear.

I smiled sadly and nodded in agreement as I shifted my weight to lean back into him. My chest swelled until I thought it would burst. I had never imagined that such happiness was possible. Even after meeting Edward, everything was so complicated for so long I wasn't sure. Standing with him now; somehow everything had turned out perfect. I extended my shield out from myself once again so he could feel the absolute joy that was consuming me. He kissed my shoulder in response and I knew if we were able, we'd both be crying. We stood there until her eyes opened and a smile spread across her face as she noticed us. We were holding her in a second and she touched my face to replay the image she just saw. The memory was tainted with the purest unimaginable love, a feeling reflected in both mine and Edward's eyes. He squeezed us both to his chest as he watched the memory in her head. Whatever I did to deserve this level of perfect, all-consuming happiness, I am grateful for it every single day.


End file.
